true confession time

This week, my roommate told me I was going to marry a useless man.

Her words.

Ok, I better back up.

She had just completed a diatribe about how "perfect" I am ("Wait," you might be asking, "doesn't she live with you? How does she still think you're perfect?" Good question. I'm a little confused about that one myself). She had listed the areas in which she considers me to be capable and "together." I guess I could have seen this as a compliment. Until the "useless man" comment.

Her reasoning did have some validity, at least on some level. It ran somewhere along the lines of: "Since you can do everything, he won't have to do anything."

Hm.

Though the tone of this conversation was light, and laughter was certainly present, it sure did get me thinking. I have been told before that I can come across--at least at first--as intimidating/confident/independent. In fact, this has been given before as a reason why a specific guy, or guys in general, may have trouble initiating a relationship with me. I don't give off the "I need you" vibe. And I suppose this is not all bad. I don't want to be one of those NEEDY girls. But the problem, evidently, is that I can be too far on the OTHER end of the spectrum.

But lest you worry that the application and processing of these things extended only as far as my love life (or lack thereof), allow me to explain further.

This morning I read the first few chapters of Amos. It's gritty stuff, these minor prophets...a lot of judgement being predicted, let me tell you. But it's a lot of good stuff too. Here's what I found in Amos 4 (I'm reading in The Message these days, so pardon the paraphrase):

"You know, don't you, that I'm the One

who emptied your pantries

and cleaned out your cupboards,

who left you hungry and standing in bread lines?

But you never got hungry for me.

You continued to ignore me.

Yes, I'm the One who stopped the rains

three months short of harvest.

...People would stagger from village to village

crazed for water and never quenching their thirst.

But you never got thirsty for me.

You ignored me."

And on the Lord goes (through Amos, of course), about how He hit their crops with disease, and revisited them with the Egyptian plagues, and hit them with earthquakes and fire. And did it get their attention? No ("But you never looked my way. You continued to ignore me.") He wanted them to acknowledge their need for Him. But they didn't.

It's the same song--different tune--that I read last week in Hosea.

"I'm still your God,

the God who saved you out of Egypt.

I'm the only real God you've ever known.

I'm the One and only God who delivers.

I took care of you during the wilderness hard times,

those years when you had nothing.

I took care of your needs,

gave you everything you needed.

You were spoiled.

You thought you didn't need me.

You forgot me." (13: 4-6)

...and later...

"...Ephraim is finished with the gods that are no-gods.

From now on I'm the One

who answers and satisfies him.

I'm like a luxuriant fruit tree.

Everything you need is found in me." (14: 8)

So this "I don't need you" stamp I sometimes wear on my forehead, lest--heaven forbid--it be obvious that I am needy and vulnerable, is as old as time. And it can get in the way of our relationships with the Lord. It certainly did for Israel.

The moral of this story?

I need to embrace my neediness.

Partly because there is beauty in vulnerability. God created us for relationships in which we can carry each other's burdens, let down our walls, and experience the beauty of community.

But mostly because when we think we're not needy (the key word here is think; of course we are needy whether we acknowledge it or not), we are in danger of forgetting God, like the Israelites did.

And we might miss out on this incredible miracle of finding everything we need in Him, our luxurious fruit tree.

one of the saints

This morning as I was getting ready for church, I listened to Sara Grove's song "When the Saints."

As always when I hear this song, tears came to my eyes. I love the imagery of lyrics, as she tells of the saints who have gone before us, of their Kingdom work.

My heart's desire is to be where God is working, to be used by Him, as a minister of reconciliation, an ambassador of grace.

When I first began to move towards missions, it was clear to me that RVA was the place to start. I knew this was where God was asking me to join Him in His work. Now, as I move again, this time towards the end of my time here, I am asking Him to make it clear: Where, Lord, is the next place I can join You in Your work?

Because I want to be a part of bringing His kingdom to earth.

Banquet 2012

Of course I have to post some pictures of last night's Banquet! It was a huge success, and I especially appreciated that all I had to do was show up :)

The theme was Pirates of the Caribbean. The place looked great, and the food was delicious.

My cute sophomores in their pirate server costumes:

It is just so fun to see everyone all "dolled up."

Here are a few of me and some of my sweet girls...

* Please note the awesome duct tape dress in the last picture. I know; she's amazing.

Our sponsor team (all enjoying the fact that it was the next class's job to put on BQ):

What a fun night! I definitely forgot I was in Africa for a few hours and was lost in the ambiance. I will say, though, that I'm evidently no young'in anymore...getting home after midnight was a bit of a stretch :)

Great job, class of 2013; BQ was a huge success!

adventures in the hills of Kenya

This weekend is our Midterm break. It's really just a three day weekend, but since it's the only weekend we get OFF all term, mentally it's pretty crucial to a healthy staff (and students, for that matter).

Today Naomi and I piled into a matatu with 22 other people and made our way up the hill to Maingi to have lunch with Bernice and her family.

The view into the valley was clear today. Can you tell we haven't had rain in 5 weeks? Still, it's beautiful.

Bernice and the fam moved into the new house last month, and it was so fun to see them in it. They now have SPACE (two rooms!) and a non-leaky roof, and windows, and overall it is just really exciting to see them settled.

I really love these boys.

Naomi and David got some sweet snuggle time.

David was really hammin' it up for the camera today.

We actually took a piki (motorcycle) back down the hill, which was a fun adventure. Our piki driver took it really slowly because we were a bit scared. Then his cell phone rang, and he answered it. YIKES. But we made it safely :)

As we stumbled off the piki and began the walk from the RVA gate to our house, I was filled with gratitude for the privilege it is to be here. I live in KENYA, this amazingly beautiful country of incredible people. Sure, much of my life is spent within the RVA fence, and it's a GOOD life. I get to love on kids from all over the world, inside the classroom and in many other capacities.

(side note: on Thursday two of my 10th grade boys showed up at my house. One of them was holding a bag. They informed me that in honor of our study of Lord of the Flies, they had brought me a gift: a goat's head. Yes, the head of a goat. They had been down in the valley last weekend for a Sunday school retreat, and had joined in a ritual Masai goat-slaughtering. I expressed my appreciation at their thoughtful gesture, but needless to say, I was disgusted and did NOT choose to keep the gift. This is the life I live. MK's are a special breed; I would know.)

And, back to my original train of thought:

This RVA life is a good life. But I would be missing something if I didn't enter out into this amazing Kenyan community surrounding us. I love this place; I love its people.

plans

"How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son."

- Ephesians 1: 3-6, The Message

There were tears one morning this week as I read these words. It's incredible, really, what this passage means for us. He chose us, before the earth was formed. He made plans. And these plans have shaped the course of my life. I am adopted into His family. I am the focus of His love. I am being made WHOLE and HOLY.

And the best part? He DELIGHTED in making these plans! He was so excited (is so excited) that we can enter into the celebration of His lavish gift-giving by the hand of His beloved Son.

I'm trying to make plans, and I'm trusting that the Lord will lead and direct as I move into the next season. But what a comfort it is to know that the most important thing about my life were planned out LONG ago!

That's the kind of plan I can cling to.

mornings

I guess I've been a morning person for a long time. Maybe you have to be a morning person to be a teacher (although I have many teacher friends who are evidence to the contrary). Regardless, I love the morning hours.

I get up at 5:45 on school mornings. I move through my routine and by 6:20 or so I'm downstairs in the kitchen and the delicious smell of coffee is seeping out through the french press and filling the house. I curl up with a blanket, breakfast and coffee on the couch, and soak in the silence. The birds are chirping outside, and the sunrise is turning the sky pink and orange. I can hear the wind in the trees.

It's my time to be still. Days are busy here, and weeks fly by. But in the mornings I simply sit. I read my Bible to listen to the Lord; later I will read student work to assign grades and read emails about various things. I write to process what I read, to meditate; later I will write on the chalkboard or answer emails. I listen to the silence; later I will listen to a hundred voices and make split-second decisions about how best to respond.

There is something miraculous about mornings.

They hold the day, wrapped up in mystery.

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice.

In the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." - Psalm 5:3

senior store

I realized yesterday that I've never actually done a blog post about Senior Store. And since it takes up quite a bit of my time, I thought it was about time I documented it officially.

I am a class sponsor (which means I get to be a part of things like Banquet with the fabulous Class of 2012). The culminating class experience before graduation is Senior Safari (a trip to the beach in 3rd term!). And to be able to go, we have to raise money. Hence...Senior Store. It's a fundraising event that takes place three times a term, where we sell delicious food of all kinds to staff, students, and guests. Our students cook, sell, clean up, and are altogether pretty awesome.

My "area" of responsibility involves donuts. Yes, donuts. Out here, nestled on the edge of the Great Rift Valley, we make donuts. It's quite the feat, actually. We use the cafeteria kitchen for the process...and it is a process.

It starts--no surprise here--with a bunch of dough.

The dough is shaped and left to rise.

Then the donuts are fried.

They have to dry,

then they're glazed.

Then they are dried again.

Some donuts get special creme filling!

The finished product:

YUM!

Here I am, with my two fabulous Donut Selling managers. The three of us could get jobs at Dunkin Donuts or Crispy Creme...we've got this whole crazy fiasco of filling donut orders down to a science.

I did actually take a few pictures of OTHER areas (we have a cafe in the morning, and at lunch we serve food hot off the grill, pizza, taco salads, Korean food, soda and ice cream...it's quite an operation).

I love these students. Sure, sponsoring has been a lot of work. But it's TOTALLY worth it for the way it's allowed me to continue to invest in this class of precious young adults. I can't believe they're about to embark on the adventure of college!

Eesh. Watch out, world!